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I've been very paranoid of late. People make veiled comments I know aren't directed at me, because I am not that important, but I still wonder... was she calling me a liar? Am I the one she wants to kick in the knees? I have to keep reminding myself that I just am not important enough for people to bother hating or insulting me, even in a veiled fashion. I also wonder if people are saying things behind my back in locked entries and things. Again, I remind myself that I'm not nearly that important. If I was, I'd know it. Still. I'm incredibly ready for the event that I am even less important than I think I am now-- the situation where, you know, everyone says, "You. Do us all a favour, and delete your damn journals. We don't want to hear about it anymore." I guess the healthy thing to do in that situation is to obey the order. Go offline, or if not that, change your screenname and prance in other fields with other friends. I wouldn't like it. I love the friends I have, even if I wonder if most of them love me back or are just humoring me. But faced with being suddenly an eyesore to everyone... I'd probably just do it. Deep down, I'm really a sheep, you know. No dragon here. I don't think many of my friends would help me weather such a storm, anyway. One or two, I think so. But I don't know if that's true. (Unnamed is like, "Alice, you need to get a grip on yourself. This isn't natural," and I want to scream.) |